Moving halfway around singapore to my new little flat in clementi heartland. My third taste of the singapore heartland culture and way of life. My brother's first in 17 years. Leaving behind old memories i rather forget and moving forward to forge new and exciting ones. Here's a couple of things that has happened since you last heard from me:

1) Valentine's Day where my sweet Eloera made japanese lunch for me and brought it to school. With 2 slabs of eels, japanese long-legged crab meat, eggs, a heart-shaped rice and lots of love, what better lunch can a man get? Did i mention that it was a surprise? =)

2) Work and life commitments. Totally getting out of hand. Mid terms are coming up, and i've yet to study, not to mention my low threshold for temptation and my childish concentration. (in fact, this blog post is taking longer to type than usual, i wonder whether it's my lack of ideas for posting or that i just have none)

3) My first long distance night drive, CCK to CGA, whats more, i wasn't driving my dad's car! Totally warped idea? Thanks to you eloera, i earned my confidence in driving.

4) Hopelessly in love. Why can't we trade-on days like handphones? Then, i'll trade in all my school days for holidays, and all my mornings and afternoons for nights so that i can sleep next to you, in your arms.

So many happenings, so little time. Sigh.

|We were born poles apart, but sent straight to one another, crashing at the speed of life|


Life isn't a bed of roses. It's more of a calculated risk of life and death. Today is the first day of many since we have stayed apart. Breathing in each other, sleeping in each other's dreams, living the life. A little petty quarrel pretty much sums up what happened yesterday and most of today was as calm and as silent as an empty church.

Never once we quarrelled past a day, never once i didn't say goodbye to you, never one did i not say i don't love you. But today when i saw your sms, i felt hurt. Really hurt in the morning while i had my cheesecake in front of my parents. All i wanted was to run into the arms of my sleeping best friend. All i wanted was my best friend to tell her how i felt.

Yes, i was trying to drive the idea of changing cupboards. Yes, i was being too harsh. Yet, i never once stopped you when you tried to persuade your mom to get you something, i never disagreed with what you liked and wanted. I never once stood on the opposite bank and tried to pull you over. I was always there, supporting you, even if sometimes it was wrong, i want to always be there. I know what are the costs in changing cupboards, i really know what i was thinking, but let me tell you honestly, i was really just thinking of it as an alternative. All i really wanted was for you. for me. for us. to be comfortable at my place. All i wanted was for you to feel good and sleep in a room with sufficient space although it's only half of my current room. I only had you in my considerations. That's probably my only concern. You.

Yet, what did i get in return? I got one night of silence. I got one night of bad vibes. I got one night without you. How was i to react? After my mom nagged me? After you thought i presumably snubbed you? I didn't think i reacted harshly towards you. Afterall, we always jacked each other in our conversations. Was last night's conversation any different? I meant it as a joke when i said," Don't buy bed then sleep where? Don't buy shelf then put my books where? Aiya, don't buy anything la."

This is one of the worst ways for us to separate for the new year as i'm going to malaysia. This isn't what i wanted. No, not at all. So i decided to make it up to you. I decided that one of us had to take a step back in this battle of egos. I decided to give in to you, not for you, not for me, but for us. You always tell me that us is greater than you or me. That's why.

I really hope this clears up the rainclouds. And let it shine all over again. I really want this relationship to be my last. I really want the sun to light up the aisle when i take your hand from your dad. It might be early. It might be impulsive. But then again, i was never the perfect stranger. Yet, i'm sure i know that i want you.

Finally, i want to wish you and your parents Happy Chinese New Year. Help me greet your aunts and uncles too. Tell them why i couldn't make it. Hopefully next year. I love you, Eloera.